THE CANON RULES OF A SUCESSFUL UISU CAMPAIGN

The world is a ruthless place and as we grow older, we tend to notice this. Those born with silver spoon may disagree, but the inevitability of them escaping the sometimes hot scotch of the sun refutes their claim. Everybody gets to taste the bitter pill, no matter how small.
So, for our dear aspirants in the coming elections, this might be their toughest time. And for an adage which says “in a land where there are no laws, there can never be a sin”, it applies almost in our thoughts. But in the ancient Egypt of the Pharaohs and Moses, there were laws. And till the modern civilization, the 21st century, still, there are laws. But due to the erratic nature of man, his laws are bound to the only constant phenomenon; change.
Recently, the Students’ Representative Council, SRC, made recommendations to the electoral committee on some matters. On a Saturday it was, when many a student was chillaxing from the week’s rigorous academic lectures, except for the GES 107 ones and the make-up classes’ duos. Right there in the hallowed chamber, precisely on April 8, 2017 it was, when the gods of men; ‘erm’, the gods of politics on campus drafted the commandments for our dear Student Union Political aspirants.
So for thai gods have spoken, here are the commandments to make sure ye aspirants do not get washed away, unsuspectingly.

THOU SHALL NOT USE JINGLES
Simple, it takes nothing less than $10, which in my estimation will be equal to N5000 to record the music. Say you rent a bus for 3 hours a day for seven days at N1000, hmmm… that makes N7000. I would gladly rent out a cab if I have one, ‘na money we dey talk naa’.
Moving on, you fuel the bus, another cost. You rent the public address system based on logistics. And then you move about, disturbing our peace with your jingles. Shoo… ‘na only you waka come?’ This is the ninth week already and we are all preparing for tests and exams. Jingles and noise pollutions are the last thing we need. Plus, I am not a fast learner or an ardent crammer, I need my time and peace to read, and so do many UItes.
And for the gods are the prudent types, a divergent is strongly abhorred.

THOU SHALL NOT DEFACE WITH POSTERS
Every aspirant, save some few, is guilty of this offence. Just recently, remnants of WAZA A4 posters were littering the face of an already defaced dustbin. But he alone isn’t the culprit though. Check out the surroundings and you will agree to this.
Just some months ago, in a press night held at independence hall for their intending executives, an aspirant swore to make sure this act is eradicated. Guess what? The hunter immediately became the hunted as he himself was guilty of this crime. . One can only imagine trying to cram a part of a note pictured in his head and then a paper interrupts the process with ‘ATTITUDE GENERATED SERVITUDE’, or whatever.
So, dear aspirant, then there were no rules, but today there are rules. Just make the mistake and the mistake will surely make you

THOU SHALL START CAMPAIGNING
One of the most interesting parts of every election is this; campaign. Here is the time Judas will promise Jesus that he is here for the interest of the masses. Fortunately or unfortunately, the stage is set on a level playing field, not for the flamboyant spenders, but for the ‘prudent participants’.
People have, however, reacted to this commandment differently. Some think the SRC has no business whatsoever in deciding how much the aspirants spend. ‘Abi’, is it their money? Others see it as a welcomed idea. At least it will stop the tendency of the spender trying to recoup his capital from the students’ treasury vault.
But still, we are yet to solve the problem of white elephant promises. This is the reason why Mr. Freshman and Miss Fresh-woman will vote for Comrade Handsome and Lady Beautiful simply for their looks. And those sweet mouthed gurus, God is watching you in 3D!

THAI SOUVENIRS SHALL REMAIN RESTRICTED
For the SRC so love of the campus, she sent her only begotten idea to save the electorates from being bamboozled.
Recall, there lived a man called cent, who despite spending a lot, still lost two elections. But this is not always so, the stomach infrastructure in Ondo state some years ago should come to mind. In order for the innocent to be saved from the doom of their (aspirants) loot, we shall ignore the ‘woos’; souvenirs.
Stickers, books, hand fans, face caps, shirts and so on make up this category. Some people are just that cheap that these souvenirs are enough to buy their votes. Talk of a colleague of mine who based his support for K-CENT for the reason that he was given one of these items. That is unfortunately the pathetic pattern of our thinking. It is why stomach infrastructures will continue to win elections. But thanks to our gods in the chamber who sent prophets, the electoral committee, to warn the aspirants on the consequences of their actions.

SOON, ACOUNTABLE WILL BE THEIR ACTIONS
It is noteworthy to mention the earlier suspension of the UISU president, Ojo Oluwanifemi, and some others. It shows that no one is indispensable. Aderoju can explain better. For thou who hath come to the front of thai followers to preach the gospel of your intending service, the press is watching closely.
It is on this note I declare, “O ye lord in the chambers, my pen is at your service for all that fails to abide by your commandment”, at least for the duration of the election.
Gracias!

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